Kids and Financial Woes: WHAT DO I TELL THEM?
By Mary Lou Aurell
You can create your own private “Dust Bowl” when you lose your job or your house. When you take home personal anguish, it is reflected in the eyes and actions of your family.
Though it may be hardest thing you ever do, you must be a calm role model for your children, according to psychologist Mary Linnihan. “Be honest with your children. Do not overwhelm them, but be truthful and forthright,” she said.
“Tell them you are going to get through this and that they will be safe, loved and nothing bad is going to happen to them.”
Adults are touchstones for their children. When they are managing their stress, kids will be fine. How adults handle their crises will be imitated by the ‘little sponges’ among their children.
Let your children have feelings, Linnihan continued. “Let them talk about those feelings. It’s worse letting them imagine what might happen and then create distorted fantasies.”
I remember the whispers of my parents during bad times and the pain that fantasy created.
What you say out loud depends on the ages of your children. “They don’t need all of the down and dirty facts,” said psychologist Catherine McDonald. “They need to know that things are changing and basically why they are changing.
The concept of money is not always clear for younger kids. They just need to realize that there’s not as much of it now and that they can’t do some of the things they used to do, like host elaborate birthday parties. Children also need to hear that they will still have fun, McDonald said.
She talked about how children of different ages may react when Dad or Mom lose their income. A 17-year-old, who had a job and paid for her own car insurance, used some of her money for family bills. She felt that she was part of the problem-solving.
A 16-year-old reacted quite differently. He was upset and anxious because he was ready to start driver’s training. His parents told him it would take longer to start, but that it would happen and, if he could find a job, it might happen more quickly.
A 12-year-old’s reaction: “It’s not fair!”
The 12-year-old should be involved in solving the family’s financial problems, McDonald said. “He should understand that it’s not fair for anybody.”
“Children need to know they are not alone and that their plight is not unique,” she continued. “You normalize your situation when you talk about it. So be aware, check in and walk your children through (these hard times).”
“You can’t sugarcoat these situations,” Linnihan added.
Losing a home is even more devastating for children. As parents you are tapped out emotionally and financially, and heartbroken. Packing up and moving is hard to face.
“Adults need to be shored up first,” McDonald said. “They need help getting into programs that can start to repair their financial and emotional damage.” Then they can bolster their children.
Both women feel schools could help children through tough economic times. The older children are, the worse it can be at school: “Middle school is the hardest,” McDonald pointed out. “(It’s where) kids can be really cruel to one another.”
Middle school is where cell phones become more prevalent than pens and notebooks. Parents can say, “I don’t have a cell either.” Yet students whose families have nothing often have a tracfone because it makes them feel normal.
However, children don’t feel normal when they need to go to the doctor and can’t because their parents no longer have health insurance. Younger children have no concept of insurance coverage, McDonald said. However, if they need to go to the doctor and can’t go, the situation becomes very real to them and they are scared.
Kids panic more than adults, but they are more resilient.
“However, children need some sense of a safety net,” McDonald added.
Parents can help children adjust and learn to live differently by planning and strategizing together as a family. They can learn to explore and play simply as a family and with friends. Imagine how much fun ‘Capture the Flag’ could be, and it doesn’t cost anything.
McDonald often turns to The Four Agreements when she works with poor families.
“Always do the best you can, even if you can’t find a job. That’s all you can do,” she asserted. “If you know you are doing your best, you can be positive about that.”
READER RESPONSES:
"If you have further interest on this subject, please check out the University of Minnesota Extension Youth & Money website. We have many resources for parents, educators and young people." - Lori Hendrickson
You can create your own private “Dust Bowl” when you lose your job or your house. When you take home personal anguish, it is reflected in the eyes and actions of your family.Though it may be hardest thing you ever do, you must be a calm role model for your children, according to psychologist Mary Linnihan. “Be honest with your children. Do not overwhelm them, but be truthful and forthright,” she said.
“Tell them you are going to get through this and that they will be safe, loved and nothing bad is going to happen to them.”
Adults are touchstones for their children. When they are managing their stress, kids will be fine. How adults handle their crises will be imitated by the ‘little sponges’ among their children.
Let your children have feelings, Linnihan continued. “Let them talk about those feelings. It’s worse letting them imagine what might happen and then create distorted fantasies.”
I remember the whispers of my parents during bad times and the pain that fantasy created.
What you say out loud depends on the ages of your children. “They don’t need all of the down and dirty facts,” said psychologist Catherine McDonald. “They need to know that things are changing and basically why they are changing.
The concept of money is not always clear for younger kids. They just need to realize that there’s not as much of it now and that they can’t do some of the things they used to do, like host elaborate birthday parties. Children also need to hear that they will still have fun, McDonald said.
She talked about how children of different ages may react when Dad or Mom lose their income. A 17-year-old, who had a job and paid for her own car insurance, used some of her money for family bills. She felt that she was part of the problem-solving.
A 16-year-old reacted quite differently. He was upset and anxious because he was ready to start driver’s training. His parents told him it would take longer to start, but that it would happen and, if he could find a job, it might happen more quickly.
A 12-year-old’s reaction: “It’s not fair!”
The 12-year-old should be involved in solving the family’s financial problems, McDonald said. “He should understand that it’s not fair for anybody.”
“Children need to know they are not alone and that their plight is not unique,” she continued. “You normalize your situation when you talk about it. So be aware, check in and walk your children through (these hard times).”“You can’t sugarcoat these situations,” Linnihan added.
Losing a home is even more devastating for children. As parents you are tapped out emotionally and financially, and heartbroken. Packing up and moving is hard to face.
“Adults need to be shored up first,” McDonald said. “They need help getting into programs that can start to repair their financial and emotional damage.” Then they can bolster their children.
Both women feel schools could help children through tough economic times. The older children are, the worse it can be at school: “Middle school is the hardest,” McDonald pointed out. “(It’s where) kids can be really cruel to one another.”
Middle school is where cell phones become more prevalent than pens and notebooks. Parents can say, “I don’t have a cell either.” Yet students whose families have nothing often have a tracfone because it makes them feel normal.
However, children don’t feel normal when they need to go to the doctor and can’t because their parents no longer have health insurance. Younger children have no concept of insurance coverage, McDonald said. However, if they need to go to the doctor and can’t go, the situation becomes very real to them and they are scared.
Kids panic more than adults, but they are more resilient.
“However, children need some sense of a safety net,” McDonald added.
Parents can help children adjust and learn to live differently by planning and strategizing together as a family. They can learn to explore and play simply as a family and with friends. Imagine how much fun ‘Capture the Flag’ could be, and it doesn’t cost anything.
McDonald often turns to The Four Agreements when she works with poor families.
“Always do the best you can, even if you can’t find a job. That’s all you can do,” she asserted. “If you know you are doing your best, you can be positive about that.”
READER RESPONSES:
"If you have further interest on this subject, please check out the University of Minnesota Extension Youth & Money website. We have many resources for parents, educators and young people." - Lori Hendrickson
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